12 Awesomely Bitter Love Songs… Happy Valentine’s Day!

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For all of those us who will be spending this Valentine’s Day at home watching TV and playing video games (because we totally don’t need a girlfriend to define who we are and Valentine’s Day is just a holiday made up by the corporations to take our money), we’ve compiled a list of 12 of the most  awesome bitter love songs.

12. Sister Sisters | Kiss You Off

As Scissor Sisters’ vocalist Ana Matronic put it: “It’s not a love song, it’s a falling-out-of-love song… It’s about knowing you’re better than how you’re being treated in a relationship and getting the fuck out… and then telling him to kiss your ass!”

11. Reel Big Fish | All I Want Is More

This song has one of my favorite bitter-ex lines ever: “Some day, maybe you’ll come back to me and I’ll say, “Why don’t you go fuck yourself?” Pure poetry!

10. The Heavy | How You Like Me Now

The Heavy’s “How You Like Me Now” is kind of a head-scratcher when it comes to love. According to singer Kelvin Swaby, this song is about basically trying to get your lady to break it off with you (i.e. showing off that you cheated on her with another woman).

Fast Fact: These dudes get extra credit for legally ordering Newt Gingrich to stop using this song in his 2012 Presidential Campaign. Bruce Springsteen would be proud.

09. Fitz & The Tantrums | MoneyGrabber

You ever have that boyfriend or girlfriend who relies on you for everything? You have to keep gettin’ em out of trouble because they can’t do anything on their own? Imagine that as a song sung by a new-age Four Tops.

08. Alanis Morissette | You Oughta Know

This song made Alanis Morissette the poster-child for bitter, angry female rockers. When you realize the song is about Full House’s Uncle Joey, the line “Does she go down on you in a theater” just got much more awkward.

07. Mike Posner & The Brain Trust | Evil Woman

Using a sample of the ELO classic, Mike Posner throws in his signature pop/dance twist. I guess the message has transcended generations: Never trust them womens, yo.

06. Cake | I Will Survive

This is one of my all-time favorite covers. Gloria Gaynor’s original disco hit about not letting a no-good significant other come back into your life, the Cake version is much more stripped-down and subtle (as all of Cake’s songs are). They also throw a little F-bomb in there for good measure.

05. Soft Cell | Tainted Love

Sometimes you just feel so trapped in a relationship that you just have to break out, like a caged tiger or lion or some other awesome cat-like creature (Jaguar?). This is another fantastic cover of a classic soul track, but Soft Cell’s synth version is undeniably one of the most recognizable songs of the 80s.

04. J. Geils Band | Love Stinks

If you’ve ever seen The Wedding Singer (I hope you all have) then you know why this song is on the list. For the truly scorned and bitter, the thought of seeing people in love makes you want to puke.

03. Eamon | Fuck It

One of the truly great send-offs to a cheating girlfriend, Eamon is basically saying what we are all thinking when you found out your lover has found another (Spoiler: A LOT OF F-BOMBS).

02. Mark Morrison | Return of the Mack

“Return of the Mack” is what we would like to imagine our newly-single life will be like, if only to shove it in the face of our ex. In reality, we are sitting at home watching Netflix, eating ice cream, and looking through old Facebook photos.

01. The Vandals | My Girlfriend’s Dead

Let’s say your girlfriend dumps you, and people keep bugging you about it: “Where is [Insert hussie’s name here]?” “Why did you guys break up?” “Are you okay?” What if, instead of answering all of these painful questions, you just told everyone she was dead? You may not enjoy The Vandals’ party-punk sound, but “My Girlfriend’s Dead” is one of the most imaginative and hilarious post-breakup burn songs EVER.

And a few more fun videos to get you all through the lonely nights… featuring Adam Sandler. Enjoy!

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10 Must-Have New Year’s Eve Party Songs

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With everyone releasing their “Top New Year’s Eve tracks” playlists, we figured we should get in on the action. Because, well, they can suck it and we are better. There’s a few on our list that you might expect, and a few that you won’t (Spoiler: That Mariah Carey “Auld Lang Syne” techno-BS is NOT on this list).

10. U2 | “New Year’s Day”

Is this song about changes to come in the New Year? Is it about a soldier trying to get home during WWII? Does anyone really care what Bono is talking about? Who knows. Take whatever meaning you want from the song, but it’s a great rock tune, and it’s been a classic New Year’s song for years. I think everybody forgets that U2 used to play some good rock (a long, long, long time ago).

9. Snoop Dogg feat. Marty James | “New Year’s Eve”

It wouldn’t be a proper song list if there wasn’t a “It’s so bad, it’s good” entry. “New Year’s Eve” is a half-assed attempt at modern hip hop NYE anthem. It has a dumb chorus, and even worse rhymes by Snoop like “11:59 and not a second later// She’s stayin’ in the mix like a crossfader.” Thanks to Snoop Dogg for constantly making terrible songs that we love.

8. Death Cab for Cutie | “The New Year”

I will probably get some shit because Death Cab are not necessarily known for their upbeat songs, or the fact this song was on the “O.C,” but the idea of grabbing this moment and making it what you want is something to be admired. Actually, this is probably one of the most upbeat Death Cab songs ever.

7. Madonna | “Holiday”

I know it’s hard to imagine that there was a time when Madonna made great pop hits and was slutting it up as a hot 20-something (as opposed to slutting it up like a 55-year-old mother of 4). A feel-good dance track about just dropping everything to take a holiday is perfect for NYE. This song is forever a reminder of what Madonna has done for Pop music.

6. Michael Jackson | “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough”

Though almost any song from Jackson’s Off the Wall would make for a good NYE jam, the infectious groove from “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” springs it past all other New Year’s Eve-worthy MJ tracks. I mean, if you had to pick a song to dance to in a sparkly tuxedo, this is THAT song.

5. Daft Punk | “One More Time”

I’m sad that this song doesn’t show up on more NYE party lists. It’s a techno-pop classic, everyone knows the words (there’s only like 3 lines), it’s about dancing and celebrating, what else could make it a more worthy entry? Nothing. So make sure this is on your playlist come midnight!

4. REM | “It’s the End of the World As We Know It”

Half the fun of this apocalyptic rock classic is trying to sing along with it. Make sure to watch everyone attempt a drunken mumble through the spit-fire, nonsensical verses. Nobody will care because it’s New Year’s Eve and they’re all drunk, but God help you if you miss the “Leonard Bernstein” moment.

3. Earth, Wind & Fire | “September”

This is a perfect NYE jam because it not only encompasses reflecting upon fond memories, but it’s also one of the greatest funk songs ever. When this song kicks on, you better be dancing in a stupid hat with a bottle of cheap champagne in your hand.

2. Kool & The Gang | “Celebration”

Probably the #1 choice for NYE party-goers over the age of 50, and for good reason. It’s got a funky groove, an easy to sing chorus, and a part where you can seriously just yell “Ya-hoo!” It’s called “Celebration,” for crying out loud. It may be cheesy, but come 12:01am, you’ll be singing along just like everyone else.

1. Prince | “1999”

1999 from PRINCE on Myspace.

Because I will use any excuse to listen to Prince. End of the old year? Prince. Beginning of the New Year? Prince. If Prince is playing in the background as the world come to a firey end, I will go out with a smile on my face.

Happy Hump Day X Fun Fun Fun Fest

Oh.my.gosh it’s final. We’ve got all of the glorious bands that make up Fun Fun Fun Fest 2013 in our precious hands muaahahaahaaaaaa! But seriously, we’re already counting the days until November…

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Orange Stage

MGMT
M.I.A.
Cut Copy
The Walkmen
Television
Deerhunter
Dismemberment Plan
Washed Out
Johnny Marr
Kurt Vile and the Violators
Sparks
Polyphonic Spree
Blake Schwarzenbach (Jawbreaker/Jets to Brazil/Forgetters)
Geographer
King Khan and the Shrines
Bill Callahan
Chelsea Light Moving (feat. Thurston Moore)
The Julie Ruin (feat. Kathleen Hanna of Bikini Kill/Le Tigre)
Daniel Johnston
Mac DeMarco
Merchandise
Cayucas
Quasi
Beach Fossils
Bleached
Lemuria
Active Child
Old Podrida
Frank Smith
Wild Child

Black Stage

Slayer
BLACK FLAG (Keith Morris, Chuck Dukowski, Dex Cadena, Bill Stevenson and Stephen Egerton… so at least Keith Morris will be singing this time)
Descendents
Quicksand
Death Grips
Judge
The Locust
Subhumans (performing ‘Cradle to the Grave’)
Gojira
The Impossibles
Body Count
August Burns Red
Thee Oh Sees
Cloud Nothings
Cro-Mags
Ceremony
Melt Banana
Pelican
The Men
Title Fight
White Lung
Code Orange Kids
Narrows
Unlocking the Truth
Retox
Spray Paint
True Widow
Venomous Maximus

Blue Stage

Snoop Dogg/Lion
Jurassic 5
Simian Mobile Disco (DJ Set)
Bonobo
Ice-T
Big K.R.I.T.
Big Freedia
Lupe Fiasco
Chromatics
Glass Candy
RJD2
Tycho
Action Bronson
Shlohmo
XXYXX
Little Boots
Delorean
Star Slinger
Poolside
Small Black
Ratking
Underachievers
Dessa
Big Black Delta
Mykki Blanco
Phranchyze
Roger Sellers
LNS Crew

The Yellow Stage (aka Comedy Tent) is still TBA, so keep your eyes peeled.

Tickets are on sale NOW, so get em before they sell out!

[NEW] Wallpaper | “Hesher”

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It’s been a while, but it appears the Wallpaper gang is finally back to bangin’ 808 beats and ridic hooks with their latest track, “Hesher.” Not that we didn’t enjoy their ventures into pop territory, but we love the group that brought us “#STUPiDFACEDD” and “Shotgun.”

Wallpaper’s upcoming album, Ricky Reed is Real, is due out July 23.

Keep up the good work, Ricky Reed.

Animal Fighting Championship presents… Wallpaper | “The Underdog”

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Lions, tigers, bears… and unicorns, frogs, and PAINT FIGHTS!

Wallpaper debuts his latest track with a video created by The Nerdist. The video is fantastic, and fits the track perfectly. The song, itself, is a departure for Wallpaper, as it skips his usual ridiculous hip hop schtick for a Fun.-esque pop anthem.

Capital Cities feat. Andre 3000 | “Farrah Fawcett Hair”

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I’m calling it right now. “Farrah Fawcett Hair” is going to be one of the best jams of the summer. Whimsical, dancey pop narrated by NPR’s Frank Tavares and a soulful verse from Outkast’s Andre 3000. The chorus will be stuck in your head for day. DAYS, I tell you!

You’ll know it when you see it/You’ll know it when it’s there/Like Michael Jackson’s Thriller/Or Farrah Fawcett Hair/It’s good shit!” (I didn’t say it was poetry, did I?)

If you haven’t heard this track yet, you better get on it. It’s already jumped to #1 on the Hype Machine list.

For Fans of: Passion Pit, Empire of the Sun, (old) MGMT, Friendly Fires.

You can also pick up their new album, In A Tidal Wave Of Mystery, at iTunes now!